Hello Future Me shared a video about seven stories that changed his life and that triggered a retrospective in my own life again. I have thought about the topic a few times but perhaps it's time to write it down and share how my personal worldview developed.
Media has had an interesting relationship with my family. Around the time I was five or six, the TV was taken away and our video library donated. Similarly, even though I had a Game Boy, that too was taken from me. I say it's interesting because we did still watch TV and play games. Either when guests came to stay, playing with friends, or visit grandparents. We still got to watch Saturday cartoons and had movie nights. So in reality, it was just limited, not really gone.
This is important because it meant that during the week, I couldn't play video games nor watch TV. However, I still had exposure. As a result, I had plenty of time to recreate the various stories though often would only have partial exposure of it was a TV series like Gundam or Dragon Ball Z.
The partial exposure is likely key because it meant I almost always had to fill in the blanks what happened between episodes or next. This would me I would see an idea and play multiple paths with me or my friends.
So I probably missed the main storyline of Gundam Wing, but I did see a few arcs that got me thinking. For example, how do you act when the people you are fighting for turn against you. And while my parents almost never watched the cartoons we watched, my dad would on occasion comment on what he saw. I recall one time while watching Gundam Wing that my dad came in and pointed out how the logic on acting on emotion was flawed. Perhaps that was the point of the episode, but the way it was structured at the end would be easy for a kid to take the other way, especially important considering it involved suicide. I often think of those experiences as key to guiding me towards thinking critically about what I consumed. This is why I include the letters from George's father in my latest stories, especially when I realize some people don't have fathers like mine.
One thing that wasn't restricted for me was a radio drama. I knew my parents sent messages the producers about some episodes which they objected to, but they didn't listen to everything. Of that drama, there is one good takeaway and one that I needed to correct later.
For the one that needed to be corrected, it was one on the nature of man. It was not a good episode and it posited that the nature of man is evil. That notion was corrected for me when I watched Secondhand Lions. That exposure and asking the question about whether God creates evil solidified that the drama was wrong.
Keeping this in mind, the other movie that had a huge influence on me was Spider-Man 2, which shouldn't be a surprise to those who read the episode notes in the back of Neostriker: Shining. The core theme and Aunt May's speech about being a hero stuck with me. Combining this with one episode about heroes in the aforementioned radio drama sets the stage for the epiphany while playing Okami.
In the first section of the game, you come across a statue of the local village's hero. This made me think about how universal it is to have devotions towards heroes in order to try to imitate them and that if Jesus is the greatest hero, then going to Church often is the right thing to do. It is also at this time that I connected two phrases.
When people say, "Don't be a hero," it's often to say don't do the right thing. Conversely, there is the other phrase, "Be a man. Do the right thing." Putting these together would mean that to be a man is "to be a hero." This was my defining philosophy and it hasn't gone away. It has only enhanced as further reading guided me towards the next logical step.
My parents often wanted us to read about saints but I never really cared for that. In part, this is because they were often about priests or nuns, which often felt like condemning living life as a regular person as wrong (the pope has acknowledged this and written to address this tendency). That being said, later in life, I started the habit of reading a book that had readings from the Bible everyday and meditations. In the book, there were one page summaries about saints and there was a theme I was starting to pick up on. Similarly, the readings at the time were from the Sermon on the Mount where something finally clicked.
Jesus says, "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect." What is this command about? "Love your enemies and do good to those who persecute you." Perfection is about being Love. The Bible says that "God is Love" and Genesis says that God made man in his image. So the real nature of man is to love. This is backed up by the way we judge morality is with Love.
I often feel like the mainstream Christianity doesn't make this connection. Sure parts of it are there, but never in the converting manner it should have. For example, I originally opposed the death penalty due to mistrust in those who wield it. However, this realization about the nature of man changed my view as I come to see the meaning of life to be to grow towards perfect love in order to be with God. To end one's life, especially in the state of a criminal, is as far away as we can get from that and the Sermon on the Mount.
God says, "I do not delight in the death of the wicked but rather his conversion." The Gospel never promises being good would mean you will live in peace and prosperity. Rather the Gospel is that the kingdom of heaven is not on Earth and to place your treasure in Heaven. If Jesus, the prophets, and the early Christians died gruesome deaths, why should modern Christians act like this life is the point?
People ask why would a living God allow suffering, but the perspective is wrong. The gospel peaches the point of life is to love God and neighbor and that life is to prepare us for paradise. Life here is not for the good, but rather it's the sinners who need it the most.
Many people speak against helping the homeless and the poor, acting like giving support sets up for abuse. The Gospel and epistles have harsh condemnation for this attitude. How many times do we sin and yet pray for forgiveness? We should act likewise to others. If I am to die due to an act of love, then I have reached my perfection and hope my example inspires others.
Do we not love in Les Misérables where the bishop converts Jean Val Jean through his continued mercy and love despite how he abused his generosity? So shall we be, though I still have a long way to go in that regard. A good test for this is the point of the story of the prodigal son. It wasn't told for the converted sinners but rather the Pharisees who were acting like the older brother. If we were to reach paradise and see people like Hitler or Stalin there, would we go in? If we can say yes, then I think we can say we are on the right path.
There is a scene in Detective Conan where Kudo Shinichi saves the life of a murderer, one who was even going to kill his love. When the murderer asks why, he responds along the line, "I don't need a reason to save a life. People give reasons for killing." That interaction stuck with me and found its evolution in, "You said she did nothing wrong. So we need reasons to not care for people, not the other way around." Again, Love is the true nature of man.
I know people might read my writings and say I am either Liberal or Conservative. The truth is I do not associate myself with either or with any political party. For half my life, my motto on the topic has been "Liberals killed the prophets while Conservatives crucified Christ." I learned from looking at other countries that the terms are purely relative and most often used to blindly polarize people so I try to remove them from my vocabulary. I noticed that both can have valid points and the labels just stop people from listening. For example, I believe one crucial step from pro-life that is largely missing is support for those mothers. If all the money that went into pro-life vs pro-choice instead went into mother support and medical research, we could solve so many issues. Similarly, I often find myself confused how we have so many orphan heroes in our stories and yet so little support and consideration is given to our orphans. Even more so when I consider those who grew up to be important figures in history.
One more key to my philosophy that I was missing while in college is the paradox of self-love. While love asks to sacrifice oneself, the goal is for self which can appear as the complete opposite. The five love languages from Dr. Gary Chapman helped me realize that self-love is not condemned but necessary to love others. If you don't feel loved, it is hard to love others. Love your neighbor as yourself requires that you in fact care for yourself. If we don't care for ourselves, then we make our tank empty. What I realized is that many of the saints tap into God as an infinite source for filling their love tanks. We must love ourselves in order to receive love and that keeps us going.
Now for the topic of whether God exists or not, that was shaped by my role as a storyteller and a programmer. Considering how both of these roles create from nothing according to the perspective of the created, I cannot deny the possibility of God, even if he's not our next level up. And considering how well core Christianity makes sense and works, as proven by how much the saints have contributed to society, I have faith.
So while the Church will continue to have scandals, especially whenever it acts to protect itself instead of trusting in God, I find the core teaching of Christianity to be true and right. Most hate I see of God is actually for the corruption in institutions, but we should remember that even while Peter was the head of the early Church, he was rebuked by God and Paul. Human institutions will always have corruption or leaders making mistakes, but the teachings can still be true. I will continue to make mistakes but just as part of the appeal of Spider-Man is that he does not give up despite so much going wrong, so shall I continue to work towards that perfection. If I were to die and learn God is not real, I would not regret as I see the teachings as guiding me towards perfection, and that is to be good and to love.
With Love,
J. D. Nyle